The Konoha Headbands
by Slinkymilinky
Summary: Drabbles, oneshots and residual plot-bunnies, multiple characters, multiple themes. Welcome to SlinkyM’s junk-shop!
1. Walk the Walk: Sakura Kakashi

_AN: Hey sports-fans, this is going to be the dumping ground for all the ideas that pop into my head and won't leave… and probably shouldn't see the light of day. They will be about various characters doing various things with a varying degree of seriousness. In length they'll be somewhere between a drabble and a oneshot…so I guess that makes them drab-ones of bull-shots…or something equally uninspiring. Enjoy, I hope! Slink._

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**Walk the Walk**

Every ninja Sakura knew had a _walk_.

From Ino's hip rolling sashay to Kakashi's slouching gait.

From Naruto's heavy-footed bounce to Yamato's wooden march.

Sai often looked like a prima ballerina when he crossed the street, elegant, poised and very slightly effeminate…or sexless…however you chose to see it…

Even Hinata had a walk. A cautious shuffle, which saw her arms pressed tightly to the curvaceous column of her body in an attempt to minimize her size and make her appear as invisible as possible.

Sakura could often find her friends in a crowd just by the way they moved. Body language after all was something a ninja had to pay particular attention to, the slightest tightening of the shoulders or the smallest self conscious tip of the head could clue you in to what someone was really thinking or feeling…in a village of shinobi; trained liars and thief's, you needed to absorb and decipher every single minute movement. It was _all_ about reading from the Big Book of Body Language and Sakura believed that a person's _walk_ was the most information garnering volume of all.

Sakura's walk however, was a work in progress.

When Sakura walked her shoulders were back, her spine was poker straight and her chin ran completely parallel to the floor. This rather regal way of floating (or so she liked to think) through the village had been adopted in part to appear better bred so that Sasuke might, once upon a time, have actually see her as a 'lady' and therefore consider 'restoring his clan' with her and in part because during her training with Tsunade, the old battleaxe had repeatedly rapped her knuckles with a sake bottle and scolded her with the mantra: 'good posture is the mark of a good medic'. Her beloved mentor was completely right of course, slouching for four hours straight while healing a patient did _nothing_ for the neck muscles.

Unfortunately her walk was often the source of much entertainment for her fellow academy alumni. Kiba's teasing nickname of 'prissy princess' had caught on surprisingly fast and now she couldn't seem to go anywhere without light-hearted catcalls of "Hey princess, when are you gonna take the stick out!" and the ilk being thrown at her.

The only person in her close circle of friends and acquaintances who hadn't made fun of her self proclaimed 'glide' was Kakashi.

Sakura let out a long heart-fluttering sigh. Oh Kakashi. Usually he was the first person to tease her about her shortcomings; dry, witty remarks that had a blush bright on her face and an awkward swell sitting low in her stomach…but on the subject of what Sakura had come to think of as _The Walk of Certain Mockery_, he had said nothing and had barely even raised an slim silver eyebrow when the rest of their rag-tag team had adopted the 'princess' tag permanently. Whether this was because he didn't care or didn't think her walk was _that_ bad she didn't know.

Now, as she watched him, sitting under the sunshade of the cafeteria's canvas umbrella, sipping tea through his mask and reading that orange-jacketed book, she felt her stomach flip-flop and roll unsteadily…

Because Sakura was about to do something truly insane.

She was going to ask her ex-sensei out on a date.

…And for that to happen she needed to feel S-E-X-Y.

She'd been preparing for this moment for weeks, gathering her courage and applying herself to the task at hand with the same meticulous bloody-mindedness that she applied to everything else she set out to achieve.

She had covertly stalked…no scrap that…_followed_, her best friend and rival, to note down every little detail on what made Ino's walk so male-magnetisingly sexy and had practised until the early hours, every night, in front of her full-length mirror for over five weeks. It had been difficult, it had been trying…but watching the final product in the reflective surface this morning, Sakura had concluded it had been _worth _it.

Allowing herself a steadying breath and a small confident smirk, Sakura pushed off from the wall she had been leaning on and strolled with hip swinging purpose towards the Copy-nin.

It was going well, she thought to herself as her feet pigeon-stepped one in front of the other. Her hips were rolling, her chest was pushed enticingly out, her head flicked slightly from side to side to put bounce into her glossy pink tresses…and he was looking up at her as she approached, the smallest friendly crinkle appearing around his dark grey eye as he acknowledged her presence.

Sakura was a cat.

A graceful, sexy, prowling tigress!

Hatake Kakashi was her prey and she would pounce, lithe and fluid and he would look up at her with those mysterious mismatched eyes and say…

"Hey Sakura-chan! Who drove the wedge between your legs?"

…

"_Ehhhhhhhhh!!!"_

Apparently the walk still needed work.


	2. Weapon of Mass Confusion: Naruto

**Weapon of Mass Confusion**

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Sitting at one of the well-worn picnic benches bordering training ground three, Naruto listened attentively to his former sensei…or at least tried to, while scratching at the wooden tabletop with a bent shuriken. It was a gloriously warm summers day in Konoha with only the odd fluffy cotton-candy cloud breaking up the endless expanse of blue sky and honestly Naruto would rather be putting craters in the grassy field in a bout of good-old fashioned training than doing…_this_.

Hell he'd rather eat his own liver.

The chuunin exams were finally approaching and for once, in a time of relative peace, Naruto was at home in the village and able to participate…hopefully without any incidences of pasty faced transvestites hell bent on obtaining genetically superior power cropping up.

This time he would pass and at seventeen it was about time too.

There was no way he'd become the Hokage if he stayed a genin the rest of his career.

Only it wasn't was simple as that. Unfortunately the chuunin exams had finally had a much-needed overhaul, the latest editions to the exam criteria included a full medical, which Naruto knew he would pass with flying colours…and a shinobi related I.Q test…which was why he sat opposite Kakashi with his pristine, never been touched, academy-issued shinobi handbook lying open between them.

"So," Kakashi drawled leafing through the pages, "We'll start simple, tell me in as many words as you like…What is a ninja."

Naruto's mouth pinched into a twisted pucker as a look of absolute concentration settled across his features…then after a long pause a wide toothy grin split the expression in half.

"A ninja is someone awesome and strong who keeps trying no matter what, like me!" he said thrusting a thumbs-up out under Kakashi's nose.

Kakashi's short sharp exhalation of despair had said grin sliding off his face. Raking a gloved hand through his unruly mane Kakashi snapped the book before them closed and began to speak in a gentle voice belying his much tested patience.

"A Ninja is a weapon, a tool to be used…" his former sensei droned on and on...and _on _and Naruto nodded intermittently to appear to be absorbing the information…but in reality that first sentence had thrown up more questions than it had answered.

A ninja was a weapon?

If Naruto was a weapon he seriously didn't know what kind he'd be. A kunai would be an obvious choice because it sounded a lot like Kyuubi…but kunai were really run of the mill and Naruto _knew_ he was better than that. A shuriken like the one in his hand currently scratching 'N.U 4 S.H' into the picnic bench was another option…but they were small and fast, Naruto, now only a scant inch shorter than Kakashi and much broader could hardly be called _small_. Sure he was fast…but not like Kakashi. Kakashi might be a shuriken, Naruto thought, but then again he was more likely to be a katana; sharp, deadly and adaptable to a hundred different styles. Naruto himself was incredibly powerful and people often said a little dense. Like a club. Or a bat.

Yes, Naruto was definitely a club; strong, reliable and made of thick stuff.

He nodded again, barely hearing what Kakashi was saying.

So if he was a weapon…if _all_ ninja were weapons then what did that make the Hokage? Did it make her a hammer, hammering the weapons into shape…or were the jounin sensei' the hammers and the Hokage the anvil? That made the most sense… after all, if the jounin sensei were hammers then hammers were still weapons and weapons were ninjas.

He scratched his chin thoughtfully.

The fire that heated those weapons and made them malleable was obviously the Will of Fire…which was also _everyone_ he was protecting by working as a ninja.

So the jounin' banged the other ninja' against the Hokage then got poked into the civilians before being banged by the jounin' again…

…don't count your kittens before they hatch, there are more ways of killing a cat then throwing it in a china shop.

All these mixed metaphors were giving him a headache.

"…and so, to hone and sharpen yourself…Naruto, are you even listening to me?" Kakashi said impatiently clicking his fingers in front of Naruto's glazed blue eyes.

"Wha…oh sorry Kaka-sensei…could you rewind a bit?"

"How far." Kakashi replied shortly in such a way that it didn't resemble a question.

"To the bit about me being a baseball bat."

"Why…w-why…"

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"WHY!!?"

The small teams of shinobi' training in the immediate area stopped their sparring and turned towards the clunking sound echoing through the grounds with mild curiosity. Kakashi's head repeatedly slamming against the picnic bench rang out clearly all around them, denting the abused surface with each bone-breaking thud.

_Just like a hammer_. Naruto thought proudly.


	3. The Funeral: Team Kakashi Friendship

**The Funeral**

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Sakura had always known that her team was as close knit as a team could possibly be.

Sure, to the casual observer Team Kakashi, formerly known as Team Seven, probably appeared to be the most dysfunctional group ever to have graced the mission-room rosters. After all, their group consisted of one genetic experiment, one aloof and mysterious sex-addict, one emotionally repressed artist, one Kyuubi vessel and herself, a sometimes-schizophrenic doctor.

Whatever they thought, Sakura knew better.

Her oddball team worked together with a harmony and understanding that only siblings and close family members should share, they were unstoppable, powerful and had always been there for her no matter what.

A fact that had never been clearer to Sakura than today.

She stared at the mound of earth at her feet and brushed a shaky hand across her red and swollen eyes.

"Thank you guys for coming." She mumbled sadly without looking up at the men standing next to her.

She was so blessed to have them as part of her life, everyone had done their part to make this easier for her.

Yamato had erected a beautifully ornate wooden cross that jutted proudly from the pile of dark earth. He had carved an intricate pattern of interlocking roses and vines across its now varnished surface that had made Sakura's breath catch in her throat. He'd assured her that it was made from the finest and strongest wood he was able to summon and that it wouldn't rot or decay and should hopefully last a lifetime. She trusted his craftsmanship implicitly.

Sai had painted a portrait of her lost family member, a small photograph sized oil on canvas that she had now, clutched against her chest and hoping it would give her the strength to get through this. He was so talented, the play of colour, light and shade was truly magnificent, Sai had captured the features of his face perfectly, the golden hair shone up from the canvas with such vibrancy that Sakura felt as though she could almost reach in and stroke her fingertips through it.

Naruto had dug the grave. Sakura just didn't think she'd have been able to do it. He'd dug it twice as deep as it needed to be, working until he was sweating and muddy, telling her that there was no way any of the forests animals would be able to dig the body up…yeah that was pretty tactless but Sakura knew he meant well and appreciated him more than ever as he stood on one side of her, rubbing the small of her back soothingly as she tried to told in the tears.

And Kakashi?

"Yo." He said softly, appearing beside her in a thin plume of smoke and offering her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"Your late." She choked out shakily looking up to see his reassuring frame towering above her.

"Meh, you see I had trouble finding something black to wear…" Said the man who was perpetually dressed in dark monochrome.

"Liar." She replied with a tiny smile even as the tears started rolling unbidden down her face.

"So why did you pick this spot." Kakashi asked, casually thumbing a fat wet tear away from her face and looking around the small shady clearing they stood in, deep in the heart of the Konoha forest.

"Because the trees are so beautiful here. He loved the view of the trees from our window…and when it gets hot it'll stay cool down here…h-he h-hated the h-hot _WEATHER!_" she wailed throwing herself into Kakashi's chest and sobbing uncontrollably against his shirt, staining it an even darker shade of black and streaking it with snot.

Kakashi shifted awkwardly on the spot, looking to his teammates for help and instantly they all offered mumbled words of support.

"There there Sakura, it's a perfect spot. Great trees." Said Yamato

"It's very artistic." Said Sai.

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, we'll come and visit the grave with you anytime you like." Said Naruto.

Kakashi patted her head.

"I k-know I'm b-being really pathetic." She grumbled snottily against Kakashi's shirt.

"No. Not at all Sakura. It's hard losing loved ones."

She nodded wetly against him and sniffed loudly.

"Would you like me to say a few words?" he offered in his low soothing voice.

"Y-yes please."

Coughing to clear his throat Kakashi levelled his gaze at the small grave before him; the rest of the team fell into solemn silence and bowed their heads respectfully.

"Gods watching over us, please take into your arms the body and soul of Frisky. He lived a long and happy life of three and a half years and from knowing him personally I can safely say there wasn't a malicious bone in his body. He would run in his wheel from dusk till dawn, never bite and always welcomed guests with an excited nose twitch and a gentle squeak. He truly was a remarkable hamster."

"That he was." Chorused the boys.

Gradually Sakura extricated herself from Kakashi's vest and bent forward to pat the mound of earth gently.

"I'll miss you so much." She whispered quietly before standing and turning to her 'boys' and throwing her arms wide open. Without complaint they surged forward for a bundling group hug.

"I love you guys so much, you're the best team ever." She said finally smiling for real and crushing them against her.


	4. Extracurricular: KakaSaku

_An: **Warnings**: light smut, some swears._

_Written for The LJ KakaSaku Word Challenge #2! Kakashi and Sakura playing hooky from the ninjin game and getting down and jiggy wid it._

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**Extracurricular **

Sakura had always had a thirst for knowledge.

"Sakura, keep your breathing steady."

Whether it was learning a new jutsu, or mastering the latest crochet pattern from 'Kunoichi Weekly', Sakura would often find herself pursuing her latest challenge with unrivalled determination.

"Just take your time." A smooth voice commanded.

"I need to get this done now or I'll be late for my shift at the hospital." She growled, trying very hard not to grind her teeth in annoyance.

"Learning this is more important."

His stern reprimand caught her by surprise…she had almost forgotten what a taskmaster he could be. Taking a deep calming breath, she continued with her task.

It was her notorious short temper and natural impatience that usually provided the biggest hurdle to overcome in terms of excelling in her chosen purists.

That, and her knack for picking completely unsuitable teachers.

There had been Sai, who she had pestered relentlessly everyday for five weeks, until he had finally relented and agreed to teach her how to wield a katana.

Suffice to say that learning a new discipline from someone who had been educated in the strictest regime Konoha had to offer was…challenging.

She could still remember, with alarming clarity, the way her softly spoken, impassive, _emotionless_ teammate's porcelain features had morphed into a horrifying mask of fury and disgust as he bellowed across the training ground in a voice she hardly recognised.

_"Call yourself a Kunoichi? You pathetic whoring little bitch, stop dropping your shoulder!"_

She supposed it wasn't really his fault. He was simply teaching as he had been taught, and he had apologised profusely around a wad of bandages when she had finally calmed down enough to visit him in the hospital for a healing session.

…So that hadn't turned out so well.

She felt rather than heard the sigh of disapproval from above her. "Sakura, concentrate."

Then there had been her terrible decision to ask Naruto for his advice on expanding her repertoire of clone related jutsu.

"_You want to learn my double Sexy-No Jutsu!?"_

He had asked with such a look of hope and excitement swimming in his ocean blue eyes that Sakura had almost resisted the urge to punch him.

Almost.

To be honest that little exchange should have clued her in on what to expect from Naruto's self titled 'Bushin's for Beginners' syllabus.

It wasn't necessarily that Naruto was a bad instructor…he in fact had many qualities that Sakura knew would make him an excellent jounin-sensei someday.

He was enthusiastic, supportive, _on time_ and most importantly – determined.

It was his delivery that left something to be desired, as Sakura discovered when he started to explain the most efficient way to split separate skill sets between clones.

_"No Sakura, It's not like that…you have to imagine that there's a core that you're breaking into smaller…err…cores. No, wait. Imagine you're a whale, and you can split yourself into little whales…or…FISH! Yeah, like a school of fish! And you swim your little fishes into these separate nets and then BAM! It's like supper…for the person catching the fish…or err…what was I saying?"_

_"You were telling me that I was a whale."_

_"Yeah! So you're a whale and…Sakura, your forehead's twitching, are you feeling alright?"_

Okay…so that didn't go so well either, but at least she had learnt something by the end of it. For example she could now create clones that were tailored to a specific task. It was an extremely useful technique, after all, a clone that was created simply to sit and record information took much less chakra and concentration than one that was required to fight, speak and act like a perfect replica of herself.

A low hum of approval bought her out of her musings briefly.

"Better?" she asked, rolling her neck to ease the stiffness settling along her shoulders.

"Much. Just relax the grip in your left hand a little and keep your elbows tucked in, it'll stop your shoulders hurting."

Sakura adjusted her position, instantly relaxing as the tension across her back lessened.

Over the years Sakura had had many mentors.

Obviously she had studied under Tsunade, investing the majority of her time into becoming the youngest head-medic the Fire Country had ever seen. She had specialised under Shizune in poison creation and extraction. She had approached Lee for taijutsu, Kiba to improve her tracking, her old academy sensei Umino Iruka to teach her how to make a mean chocolate soufflé. She had spent hours with Hinata learning the ins and outs of traditional etiquette. Genma Shiranui had taught her to neck a pint of beer in a single gulp one night at the pub…

And of course there was Kakashi.

Kakashi, her perpetually late, smut addicted ex-sensei and team leader.

Kakashi who was currently fisting his hand into her shoulder length pink hair to force her head down further.

Kakashi who sometimes made the most amazing noises…

"Am I doing it right _sensei_?" she asked coyly and somewhat unintelligibly around the large obstruction in her mouth, not minding at all that her scalp was stinging from his rough hold on her head.

She translated his long broken groan and jerking upward thrust as 'Why yes Sakura, this is turning into a fantastic blowjob.'

Back in her genin days she had often thought of Kakashi (with affection of course) as lazy, detached, unpredictable, annoying and slightly sadistic.

-These days however her opinion had changed a little.

Sure, as a person he was still all of those things…but as a teacher he was patient, clear and stern when needed.

"Are you thirsty Sakura?" he snarled suddenly, his breath coming quick and shallow.

That was the only warning she got as his hips snapped up off of the bed to meet her face. She desperately fought the urge to gag as his cock pushed its way deep into her throat, hot salty liquid quickly filling her mouth.

Sakura had always had a thirst for knowledge.

She had the presence of mind to grasp onto his firm, pale buttocks, digging her nails in slightly – just the way he liked.

And then he was lowering himself, panting heavily and smoothing out her hair.

"That was superb," he hummed when his head hit the pillow, "Here you go."

He always recovered surprisingly quickly and was already offering her a tissue.

She offered him her best 'good student' smirk and made a big show of swallowing.

"Oral Sex Rule Number One: Always swallow, it's rude to reject something that you've worked so hard for." She announced proudly, rubbing her aching jaw.

He chuckled then, a rich throaty sound. "Actually that's rule 'Number Two', Rule One is no teeth remember?"

Sakura grinned back, letting her eyes roam over his gloriously naked body, the way the thin sheen of sweat defined his abdominal muscles, the way his eyes looked even more heavily lidded when he was sated…and then her eyes slid to the clock by the bedside.

"Oh shit!" she screamed leaping from the bed and hurriedly picking up her clothes.

_Medic apron…leggings…blouse…bindings…crap! Where was it?_

"Looking for this?" Kakashi asked, her tiny red panties hanging off his index finger.

She moved to pluck them from his finger but with the typical speed of an Elite, he snatched them back into his grasp.

"...and where do you think you're going?" he asked, his tone playful.

"Kakashi, I was due at work an hour ago!" she snapped impatiently, making another quick grab for her underwear.

Suddenly she was underneath him. She really wished she knew how he did that.

"Kakashi!" she whined desperately, wriggling to get free.

"Sakura, I am sure they can cope without you for one afternoon."

"B-but…"

"It's just filing and chart checking…and besides…it's your turn."

…Damn him for having such a devilishly rakish smirk. It could melt butter.

Sakura lay on her back, trying not to giggle as his hands brushed feather light patterns down her sensitive sides.

Silently, half-heartedly, she cursed her lack of willpower.

She had had many mentors…but perhaps Kakashi had always been her favourite. He was patient, clear and stern when needed…and always rewarded good performance.


	5. Skin Deep: Ino

**Skin Deep**

_I'm a vapid, shallow, airheaded bitch. _

_Well, that's what people say, and I don't give a damn. Screw them. What do they know anyway?_

_Is it really such a sin for a woman to take pride in her appearance? _

_I don't go out of my way to correct them, and why should I? I enjoy the concessions that come with such a reputation. For one, it means that I am highly underestimated by both enemies and colleagues._

_People say that it's what's on the inside that counts. That's bullshit. Everyone judges each other on appearance. Sight is our primary sense as a species. First impressions are formed by it, relationships are built on it. People may say that I am lying...or that it's personality that matters but the proven fact remains that beauty is a kunoichi's greatest weapon. It can be used to lure, to betray and to deceive._

_My chest has saved my life on more than one occasion. _

_The other day I was sent on a scroll retrieval mission to Kakkado, a small village just south of Suna, when once again my natural assets got me out of a tricky situation. Of course the weather in Wind Country is always swelteringly hot; the sand that carpets the land is practically white and reflects the sun as well as any mirror. I was travelling with Hinata. She's my friend, well I suppose we are friends, she's sorta quiet so I'm never really sure._

_She's a bit of a prude, she's, what's the word...Mottled? Middling? _

**_**Modest?**_**

– _Modest! That's totally it, she's really freaking modest. Like for serious. _

_It must have been, like, ninety five degrees with no breeze and the girl still wouldn't take off her sweater. Under that ugly, baggy top she actually has an amazing pair. You'd never know of course. Anyway, I had stripped down to just my bra and shorts and had hooked the straps down so that I wouldn't get those ugly white tan lines that Sakura thinks are so fashionable. Sakura is my other friend by the way._

_So, I was walking along with Hinata, when out of nowhere these guys spring up from amongst the sand-dunes and grab Hinata by the arms._

_I don't even think about it, I just react, like a freaking cat I'm telling you. _

_I kick the first guy straight in the face, grab a kunai from my boot and cut the other one straight across the chest. They were only bandits – barely any real combat training, but hell, I knocked five of them out within seconds. Well, in the scuffle my bra slips down around my waist. I didn't care, my boobs are awesome, the guy holding Hinata takes one look, blinks twice and loosens his grip for just a fraction of a second. _

_Have you ever seen hot blood spilling onto white sand? I think it's possibly prettier than blood on snow. Sand doesn't melt you see, so it ends up looking like thousands and thousands of crimson beads. _

_So yeah...my point is; why would I fight nature and try to be anything less than drop dead gorgeous? It's what I am built for, clearly. _

_To all those people that call me an airhead, or shallow, or dense, or a bitch or even unskilled... _

_Well what they don't realise is that as soon as they write me off as just a 'bimbo' they start slipping up. That's why I am the best gossip in the whole of Fire Country. My sources just don't realise that while I'm picking out nail varnish for them and accessorising their drab wardrobes, I am also listening and cataloguing every little thing they say. _

_I'm a pro, but I wouldn't be anything without my looks. _

_And it takes effort to look this good. Beauty maintenance is a ceaseless endeavour. _

_I'll tell you a secret; I am not this blonde naturally. Shocking right? But seriously, as soon as I hit puberty my luscious platinum locks started to fade to a mediocre mousey brown. Ino Yamanaka is NOT mousey. I have to bleach my hair, _all_ of my hair, every four weeks to avoid even a trace of re-growth. Do you know how much peroxide stings? Especially in delicate places. It also dries the hair and splits the ends, so I employ an intensive system of conditioning and rehydration after each application. _

_Also contrary to popular belief I do not wear makeup all the time. A girl has to maintain a bit of mystery, and I find that I get a much better reaction out of people if I only wear makeup on special occasions. I love how they look at me when I am dolled up to the nines...I can almost hear them saying, 'Wow, I didn't think it was possible for Ino to look any hotter, but there she goes!'_

_It's completely umpiring._

**_**You mean 'empowering'...**_**

_Right, right, empowering. I knew that. Now where was I? Ah yes, so I don't wear makeup generally but I do have a very involved skin care routine. They say beauty is only skin deep and that is so true! _

_Skin is the first thing to give away your age and the also first thing to gravitate southwards, and for a ninja it's even worse; we spend all day in the sun and are constantly exposed to unsanitary environments which can really screw with your complexion. It's important to look after your skin. Even when getting a tan I use a homemade moisturiser with orchid extract and an SPF rating of fifteen. Sometimes twenty on my face. _

_In the morning I use a warm flannel to open up my pours. I love the way it feels against my face and best of all it helps promote blood flow which rejuvenates and smoothes. Then I apply a deep action face-pack to remove the grim and dirt, paying particular attention to the nose, chin and forehead. _

_After that I use a cleanser. This soothes the skin and adds a protective barrier to keep the dirt away. Then after that I apply my moisturiser. You really should smell it, it's glorious. Sakura's always boasting about how fantastic her homemade soldier pills are, but have you ever tried one? No? Well let me tell you, they are disgusting. Like, totally vomit inducing and they smell even worse. At least my moisturiser smells nice and tastes nice. I can't believe those stupid pills won first place at the last Developmental Awards. My range of fruit-and-flower-based-cosmetics should have won. They were all completely organic and biodegradable. If it wasn't for Chouji eating the coconut lipsticks I would have totally won. _

_Do you wanna know what I called my brand? It's so clever...you'll love it..._

_-Ready? I called it: 'Fruitiful'_

_What do you think? It contained fruit and it made you look beautiful...get it? Awesome huh?_

****...****

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"Okay, enough! Enough!" The man slumped forward awkwardly in a chair, his wrists straining against thick iron restraints.

As Ino lifted her head and blinked dazedly around the room, Ibiki detached himself from the shadows and walked forward to place a large, scarred hand on the crown of her blonde head,

"So, are you ready to talk?"

The man's head snapped up quickly and he met Ibiki's cool gaze with a panicked stare of his own. His eyes were bulging in their sockets. Then he began to openly weep.

Ino folded her arms over her chest and screwed her nose up in annoyance,

"I was just getting to the good part too..." she grumbled, flicking her long platinum pony tail over one shoulder.

"Please," the man began in a thin, reedy whine, "Don't let her back in my head! I can't take it...I can't listen to another...oh gods!"

If he had been allowed the freedom of movement, Ibiki knew that his prisoner would have been rocking on the floor with his face buried in his hands. How did she do it?

"Looks like your one hundred percent success rate remains intact Yamanaka," he murmured in a low gravelly tone, "I think this is a new record, barely half an hour..."

Ino spun on her heel to face him and beamed up at him with a toothy smile and sparkling eyes,

"Oh this one was easy Ibiki-san, I can't believe Anko had such trouble with him."

"Hn, well you may go. Take the rest of the day off," She was already nearly at the door and he hadn't even finished his sentence, "Good work today Yamanaka!" He called over his shoulder.

"Thank you Ibiki-san, I am _so_ going shopping with this free afternoon!" the door clicked shut behind her.

The Torture and Interrogations expert once again switched his focus to the prisoner, "So I take it you're going to comply?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Of course...just keep her away from me."

Ibiki let a very twisted and very uncharacteristic pout pucker his lips as he studied the trembling man,

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what she did to you?"

"I...I can't talk about...it...it was just so horrible!"

Ibiki Morino was well and truly stumped. His new apprentice might seem a little..._oblivious_ on occasion, but he had never had a trainee with such a flair for breaking a subjects will – and so quickly! And best of all? She never seemed adversely affected by watching grown men crumble.

He was starting to think the rumours about Ino Yamanaka having nothing between her ears weren't true. The girl was clearly a genius.


End file.
